So this is what it feels like - it's my very first 'live' finale of NCIS: LA and G. Callen's manpain experience with whole four months of waiting lying ahead and I'm so f**king tasting it. It's so horribly horrible and agonising and oh so amazing, oh show I hate you and love you for giving us G, this fantastically messed up woobiest of woobie things (and breaking and breaking and breaking him). And I don't even like the word 'woobie' but seriously, is there any word that fits him more? I can't remember the last time I've fallen for a character this hard - oh no it's a lie because I do, it's Stephen (oh Stephen), but the situation was quite different there and it's another long talk for another day anyway - and I want to give G all the hugs and kisses and pets and love the entire universe could offer yet there's thing (not something) in him that stops me dead three inches away, like I have no right for this and it's Sam who doesn't stop and goes and enables everything (almost), but really I don't know how to fix this mess. Or more like I still don't know what to think of this ep, still can't process it to make out what it means, what it's going to do and change (or not change) this show, the team and G (and Sam and G).
What I know is I'm overreacting but I have no control over it, I'm crying and laughing because I mean, the way they set it all up to lead it there? It's RIDICULOUS. It's lazy, sloppy, soapy, almost comical and laughable, no wonder nobody says this show is good. But it completely grabs my heart and just wouldn't let me go, I'm crazily in love with it with all its flaws and stupidities and craziness and AWESOMENESS, I love the entire cast and every character (even Deeks whom I decided I didn't like *before* I ever saw him in the show but I do love him now) with occasional hiccups like at the moment I'm so ANGRY at Hetty.
And for once it's not (entirely) about him and the crushing weight of his *~~issues~~* of lifetime that has driven him, it's about Renko and Hunter (and for Hetty), the entire team and agency. And I loved how G was so perfectly thorough and cold, that one last shot to Chameleon that's probably unecessary making sure he's irreversibly dead. Just like he's always been, once he sets his mind he never hesitates or stops, and he'd do some dreadful things to the bad guys and anybodies mean nothing to him, for people mean something to him, people who he cares.
(So we're now left without four lovely recurring characters including epic villains; Dracule, Renko *sobs*, Hunter and Chameleon. Is this finale a game changer? Does it mean the show is planning new longish arc and is about to get into different era?)
I really shouldn't let a single TV show rule my life this much, and it will most likely WTF me rather than WOW me with its S4 premiere, playing it like all of this havoc is nothing to worry about and simply brushing it off after a little placatory follow-up of the finale and will be back to its usual business and they are all going to be okay, the team and G, and he'll be back on his daily angsting but URGH. Right now my head is so full of sh*t of this and that and I just can't deal with it alone. I need to read millions of posts of what people think about it and see how hard they flail at it, have tons of ep tags/spec fics/gap fillers/comfort fics and icons/picspams/gifs to let myself soak and drown in and just lurk, without having to worry about embarrassing myself with my terrible English, but you know what the worst thing of all this? THERE'S NONE. No fic, no flailing reaction posts, no comms flooded by streaming of posts with chatty comments, no tears or screaming, nein, zero, nada. This fandom is fracking non existent I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY. So I'm completely stuck with this OHMYGOD EMOTIONAL TURMOIL alone (mostly, thanks to a few of you who talked with me by the way!).
And please let me throw you this one: The Town That You Live In - song by Sherwood, from their 2005 album Sing, But Keep Going. It's been my theme song for G from the moment I realised I've fallen for him, but with the finale this is so effing OFFICIAL to me. You can play the song online and download it if you want using the above link, or listen to it with lyrics on youtube, it's one of those crappy fanmade vids lol. I will make epic G. Callen vid using this song ~~someday~~. But I don't mind if you go ahead and do it. In fact, I BEG you do. Or RL, you can give me all the time in the world and let me spend it on my computer and PS, but when are you ever cooperative?
Lastly, LA cast from CBS Upfront 2012. It's nothing special but Chris looks great (or is it just suits' doing?) and it's refreshing to see 'usual' him without the shade of Callen. (But then my eyes start to dart to his hands and my mind is instantly back to that close shot of G's hand and... adfghj;:peuhadgaadfhjk)
Seriously, this cast is nuts. OH HOW I LOVE YOU ALL.